Men in Japan

From the moment that I announced that I was coming to Japan and that I would be working with the university on a military base, it seems the first thing that came to most people's minds was that I would find a husband.
I have also gotten teased about returning to the states with a Japanese man in tow. Not that I'm not open to this idea, but I tell people that if I do return to the states with a husband, it would likely be with an American. In Okinawa, there are 9 military bases. I work on the Air Force base and live 10 minutes from the Army base, both of which are crawling with American men. Because I am contracted by the Department of Defense, my time and interaction is probably 99% with Americans.

The purpose of coming here is to embark on a new, exciting career opportunity. That was, has been and still is my focus. I must say, that me being here is truly a blessing from God and whatever His plan is on this journey, I will welcome and embrace it. I after all, allow Him to order my steps.

Since being here for 6 months now, I continually get asked the question from friends back home about the men here and have I met any potential suitors. As a result, I felt it was time to finally answer. I hope what I share will calm everyone's curiosity and put these questions to rest. This is my personal view, an overall picture of the military environment and the city of Okinawa.

In a conversation I had with my boss, a brotha, he informed me (which I already knew) that men here don't have to do much because the native women cater to them in such a way, the roles have been reversed, in terms of the chase and the "traditional" role that we are accustomed to men playing. The native women go to extremes to do whatever is necessary, by any means, to attract and keep the American men. I would consider this place to be a man's paradise when it comes to the local women. They are having their cake, pie, cookies and eating it too. My new environment reminds me of what I experienced back in the day in college at the U of Nebraska (Leroy and Susie, now it's Leroy and Yoshi), same scenario. Living here also reminds me of moving to new cities (the cliques). It ain't easy. I feel like an outsider, I am an outsider. Trying to navigate my way in this new world, way of life and way of thinking is challenging to say the least.

Now, on to my observations of the men; Military, Black, Native, White, Married, Young, Celebrity.

Military Men. One thing that is very important to share about military life, it is a world, mindset and has a way of its own. In a conversation with a couple of guys, both of whom are in the military, I was so enlightened that what was shared never crossed my mind. I felt it is necessary to give their viewpoint to help people understand the environment that I'm in. Although I'm surrounded by men, mostly military men, it must be realized that they live lives of temporary circumstances. How they handle it varies but for many, getting close to people is difficult because for the most part, their time in a specific location is short. Trusting others and allowing people into their world can be a challenge so some choose not to engage or keep relationships superficial, surface. Some come with baggage, meaning, wives and kids back home in the states. This information is not always revealed. To live a life in this way, I can't imagine because the world military folks live in, albeit temporary, it is their life none the less.

Brothas. Brothas are brothas, different country, same story. No need to go into details or say more. I have caught the eye of several good looking brothas but I have found for the most part, unless I assert myself, it just becomes a casual conversation, a nod or smile in passing. I have had the pleasure of meeting a couple of pretty cool single guys, have gone out and enjoyed their company. At this point, my focus is friendship because I miss having close male companionship. Not that some of these guys that I speak of are not worthy of more, I'm just in a space right now that seek friendship first. If more comes of it down the road, no predictions, I will welcome whatever is meant to be. I will try not to resist.

Native Men. Because of the language and cultural barrier, it is hard to tell what is on their minds when I am in their presence. I have been told that some Japanese men do fancy African American women but because of the inability to speak English, it is difficult to approach. I will say, I have seen them staring, while driving in the car, in stores, or just walking down the street but I don't know if it is out of curiosity or interest. On base, there are Japanese construction workers that I pass each morning as I walk into work. As I pass, there is always one or two gazing with smiles. I return the smile, bow and greet them good morning in Japanese. On another occasion, while at a hotel restaurant, a group of men, clad in biker gear, pointed, stared, laughed and continued to do so until they left.

I must admit, I have not been attracted to many of the native men that I see. A lot are small in frame and short in stature. I have also noticed that some have taken on feminine regiments, such as arching their eyebrows, carrying (man) purses and preoccupying their time with their hair. This I have noticed among the younger guys. Smoking is very common among the Japanese. I can't tolerate the smoking and it is a turn off.

Good looks come in all ethnic races. When I do see a Japanese man that I find good looking, I do find myself staring. I hate to admit, unfortunately, it is rare here in Okinawa. Tokyo I'm sure will be a different story.

White Men. One thing that I have learned, the military is very diverse and interracial relationships and marriages are common. Interestingly enough, to my surprise, it is common among black women and white men. I have heard that in the US, the percentage of black women marrying outside of their ethnic group is on the rise. It is very visible and evident here. I used to jokingly say that I'm attracted to white men but the ones I find myself attracted to are on television or the big screen. I didn't see many walking the streets of Cleveland. Now, New York, Chicago, maybe. On the bases of Okinawa, all the time! I don't know if it is the uniform or the buzz cuts but I find myself in an admiring gaze, more often than not. I have noticed on several occasions gazes returned.

Married Men. They are everywhere. It seems that the military promotes marriage. It makes sense. In this environment, having a family is ideal when living with the stresses that being in the military brings. Unfortunately, extra marital affairs are common. I am a magnet to married men. I always seem to be approached by them, to my dismay. One guy offered his number to me as a gesture of friendship when he learned that I was new to the island. I accepted the number and trashed it on the way out the door. Another, caught me off guard during an official office visit as he took a double take and told me how beautiful I was. I was naturally flattered because it came from such a good looking brotha. My first instinct though was to look for a ring and to my surprise and disappointment, a nice shiny band.

Young Men. They too are everywhere. Not a surprise. Most of the men who are lost in the war are 19-20 something. For those of you who know me well, know I am also a magnet to young guys. Not sure why, maybe because my age doesn't match my appearance and perhaps because younger men seem to love and appreciate older women. It has become the norm thanks to Ashton and Demi. I must say, I do seem to prefer younger men, within age reason . Their generation brings about a different attitude and approach when it comes to dating. They seem to be more confident and adventurous, something that I appreciate and welcome. Some of my good male friends are my young brothas.

Celebrity Men. I just had to mention the male singers that I have had the opportunity to see while here in Japan. Dwele, Eric Benet and J. Holiday. They are surely worth mentioning because all in all, when I speak of men, the time I spent with Dwele and meeting Eric makes the top of my list to date.

People come into your life for a reason, season and a lifetime. Whatever the case, I approach beyond the superficial. So, to my hopeful friends that believe that he is here, only time will tell. Only God knows. I will stay open and embrace what is to come. As I took a leap of faith and came to Japan, I will do my best to do the same with the men in Japan.